Kendallkasey's Blog

{April 18, 2010}   Denture Adventure

Remember my dear, sweet and forgetful lady? Well, she had to get to the office somehow, right? There’s no way a woman who has Alzheimer’s just appears on a massage table one fine and uneventful afternoon. My woman was driven by her husband, and after we got dear, sweet Miss Don’t Know My Name situated, it was her husband’s turn.

Fortunately, he knew his name, address, and age. Plus, he knew I wasn’t a stranger that intended to have my way with him. I thought the hour would be uneventful, especially just having his wife, who barely knew her own name, on my table.

Trust me, never assume!

I walked in the room, said hello, and began massaging the adorable, little fellow. I was relieved he didn’t talk because I was sure he couldn’t hear that well anyway. About five minutes into his session, I heard a click, click, slurp sound that I ignored. But then, I heard it again, and again, and again. I acted like I couldn’t hear the strange sound, but it seemed to be getting louder.

The next thing I knew I felt a fat slimy lizard with HUGE teeth crawl across my foot! I kicked it across the room, and as the toothy monster slid along the floor, I realized it was my old guys dentures. I don’t know if it would have been better for it to have been the lizard or not.

“I think I lost my teeth”, he said. “Could you get them for me?”

“Sure, uh, no problem.”

Oh Lord! Can I pick up your teeth? I really didn’t know if I had it in me. Mouths are so gross, and these teeth spent most of their life in a mouth. A really old mouth. I knew I had to do it so I grabbed the box of tissues meant for people’s noses, and took about fifty out to protect my hand. I approached the chewing apparatus, closed my eyes, and scooped it up quickly without looking at it. Dentures have always grossed me out to the point I feel sick when I even think about them. With my luck, I’ll be the first one in my circle of friends to need them.

I wrapped them up tightly, and placed them on the shelf. As soon as I began massaging him again, I heard another noise, but this time it was my old man snoring. I guess he was really able to relax now that he didn’t have to worry about his teeth falling out.


KT says:

Ha ha ha OMG! I could not even imagine the embarrassment! Dentures tend to creap me out too! Great story! Keep em’ coming!!!

Cesar says:

great story, even if my stomach feels quizy, keep on writing

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